Off balance

It's been a while since my last post. I suppose there isn't any real reason except for logistical issues that are making it a bit hard. At the moment I seem to be at a disconnect- I am working quite a bit and don't really have any down time during the week, lately I seem to have been working one weekend day as well so that my one day off a week is often spent in a sort of coma-like state of vegetation interspersed with flurries of trying to get everything done for the coming week (cook food so I can eat real things, laundry so I have underwear to wear, tidy the house so I feel better, clean Nestor so HE feels better). All in all I don't really have much personal time or time for doing anything outside of basic survival- hence the lack of posts.

Recently I have been sliding a bit, my general health upkeep isn't going very well. I'm not eating as well as I should and it leads to both me feeling bad physically as well as emotionally and mentally. I long for the days when I can actually have spare time where I could go for a run or to a gym or for a swim.

I have been looking into visualization techniques in the past month. I feel that I need something to spur me onwards or help me focus on making my life more palatable. The only trouble is you are supposed to enter a state of relaxation for these visualizations and given my current level of exhaustion that just generally means I go to sleep.

Also I've been trying to look at reasons why I'm doing this to myself. I think working over 50 hours a week would be acceptable if you were making pots of money something, alas, I am not doing. In a way I guess this is sort of a punishment for abandoning the schooling I came here for. But what in myself makes me feel like I need to be punished?

It's pretty obvious I need to be doing more towards achieving the lifestyle I would rather have (normal work hours, weekends off, benefits) but where does one start? Should I give up more sleep time? Do this at work?

Procrastination is a big issue- I'm realizing I use certain crutches to distance myself from making decisions: can't start my life until me and the boy are sorted, can't do anything until after the trip out west this summer. Have been working on really changing those habits.