Dec 5- Letting Go

Letting go: For next year, I’m letting go of…


the need to placate other people. 

I took major strides this year in putting up boundaries for myself and doing things that are going to benefit me, not necessarily other people. 

I recently got a permanent position in my job! Finally, after two years of little or no work and one year of contract work. It is not within the department I started in. And my manager begged me not to go, promising a permanent position in her department would be opening up soon. 

But the thing was, my department wasn't a good fit for me. It often felt exclusionary and way too much like high school for my liking. The work I was doing was ok, but not overly stimulating and I was becoming the go to person about everything from finding staples for the printer to minor computer programs on top of all the job related duties I had.  And I was really starting to feel resentful, like whenever Sally would get a computer upgrade and instead of googling or help menuing where anything was, she would interrupt me and my work. 

Now part of this is my problem with not being able to say no and not help people but it was still breeding some resentment into my every day life. 

A position posted in a new department, it's a new position as the department is growing so I will be the first to really set this up, and I can train to move up into a more senior position. On their dime. It's the right move for me but I still hesitated at letting down my manager. She is one of the best managers I've ever worked with. Not working with her saddens me a little. But staying in a position that I could see myself coming to resent, with little room for advancement would make me a lot sadder for a lot longer. 

Now that I have a family I can't exactly do all the things that are only good for me, but I'm learning that when I put myself first I'm much more able to be a better spouse, a better friend, a better worker.  Which is something my spouse has taught me, and endorses in me. 

So it's time to let go of doing solely for other people and ignoring myself. I matter to other people in the world and I should matter to me.