Reverb Dec 2-Help

Help: Asking for help can be the hardest thing we ever do. When and how did you ask for help? Alternatively, did someone ask you for help and how did it play out?

I get asked for help a lot.  And I find it very hard not to help someone who is in need or in crisis. I really do like to see people happy. But this year I have come to wonder if my helping people has also been a way for me to feel removed from a situation, to be the calm cool and collected helper means I don't have to or *can't* put my emotions in there with things. Someone has to keep their head above water. 

I did a lot of asking for help this year, in a variety of ways. I would sometimes be very vocal (ahem- bossy) in what I needed help with, particularly with planning a wedding across the country. There were times when I wasn't vocal about the help I needed but desperately wanted someone to say, hey let me help you out, to realize the edge I was about to fall off of. 

Receiving help was a mixed bag. There were times when my explicit requests for help were met with crickets, with something completely unhelpful, there were times when it was completely ignored and there are times when it was met and exceeded my wildest ideas. 

The help I received around the wedding, particularly the day before and the day of made me realize a lot of things. It made me realize that I have a group of friends that are undeniably amazing. They came in, I would even say swooped in, and saved the day-literally. They took control and helped me, when I was unable to help myself anymore. Who took over joyously and uncomplainingly and perfectly. 

It gave me pause, after months of trying to help myself and planning a wedding with no immediate support and feeling so up against a wall that a group of women could come in and help me out like that and know that's just what we DO for each other. It was a good reminder on what true friendship is. It's not paying lip service to each other, or even being in touch all the time. It's being there when you are needed and doing what needs to be done without expectations of laurels but because you love that friend. 

I try hard to conduct my friendships like that, with that fierce commitment.  Giving help may feel empowering to me, but it's the receiving of help that makes me humble and fills me with gratitude.